Happy... Can I?

Do you ever had the feeling that you are actually worth to get a pure happiness instead the bitter sweet feeling? Have you ever think about the possibilities that could happen to you if you take another steps in living your life? Or even, you have this kind of regret feeling of what you have done in the previous life..? Well, I can say that you are not alone, at least, you got my companion.

Yeah, you can say that I am a looser who had no gut to stand for my own believes and stand for my own sake. But I took my steps back then influenced by so many reasons that you couldn't possibly imagine. I were right at the intersection whether I had to fight for my feeling or just let it go as the wind goes by instead. "Come on, you can't be like this, Steph.. You got to take an action. Otherwise you will lose your own you.." My best friend, Mika, who always been there for me, once said. As if all burden that I've got wasn't enough, she really got her point, I'm starting to lose my own me.

"Well, yeah... I know it.. It's just.. You know, it's not as easy as it seems.."

"Honey, you got two choices right in front of you.. Speak up, told them about your feeling and take the risks, or just sit and keep that as your deepest secret, 'till you die, I think.."

"Mika.. All I've wanted is just to be happy...."

Silence. That's all what happened at that moment, right now, and probably, forever. Aarghh.. Sometimes, I do really hate for being me, a person who has a right but got to be careful and prefer not to use it. As you can see, this situation really makes me so weak. All I can do is just imagining all the situations back then, situations which make me so thrill and quite unforgettable. The situations that give me a brilliant idea to be a pretty young bride with a hot good looking groom.. Ah.. So pathetic...

Yeah, right.. I'm pitying my self right now. It's a very sad situation where your entire family finally got those images too, but as the time ticking, surprise surprise.. It turns out that you are not the one who become the pretty young bride, instead, you just become the bride's made.. What do you think about it? Do I really deserve to be happy...? Well, I really have no idea what God's will for me.. I mean, yes, I am happy for my friend's wedding. It's just.. Not with him.. He was belong with me. We were happy until that day, the day when he met her, and in all of sudden, the world, my world, is ruin. Then here I am right now, standing right next to the happy newly weds and trying to re-build my own me to get my own happiness. Well, I just want to be happy and don't want to live pathetically for my entire life, and... Not forget to wish them a very great life in the future, absolutely..

*Inspired by Leona Lewis' Happy.. :)